The reason I just love Beyonce with dark hair more than blonde is because the bitch looks like she will snatch your spine out of your back and laugh as you fall to the ground like a puddle. With dark hair she really looks like she can be Baphomet’s mother. With dark hair my God looks like the African Queen who sold other Africans to white men in the 1600s. Dark haired Beyonce looks mean enough to slap your mother in the face with her church hat on the sabbath. Dark haired Beyonce would plant drugs in your car and report your license plate. Dark haired Beyonce is the bitch to key your car if you cheat on her and engrave her signature in it and dare you to call the police. Dark haired Beyonce is the bitch who will sleep with your dad while your mom is out of town and still tell you your outfit is cute at school. That is why dark haired Beyonce is my favorite.
The Ryan Seacrest Center focuses on freeing patients from addiction to hosting award shows, charitably fundraisers and “Star Search”-theemd reality programming. The Center makes no claims of effectiveness regarding patients who cannot resist hosting dinner parties, in-laws or parasites. Rehabilitation is catered to individual needs – NO GUARANTEE. Each patient’s program will include sessions in the therapeutic Billy Crystal Springs and/or the world-famous Pat Sajak Sweat Lodge. Incoming patiens will submit to a full-body cavity search for any hidden mic packs, lavs, wireless headshots, canes, envelopes, sequins and Bruce VIlanches. Please plan on arriving at leat three hours before your therapy call time because the limo line is murder. Aresnio Hall is not affiliated with the Ryan Seacrest Reading Cetner for Excessive Hosting. Oh, and neither is Ryan Seacrest. If you’re still reading this and believe EHD isa real affliction, you might be suffering from APB, or Acute Parody Blindness. If so, contact the Mel Brooks Center for Humor in Catskills, New York.